Entry 9

Dear Diary,

So much has happened I havn't had a chance to write. I will miss faith now that our class is over, but aside from that I have had some problems. Kina is trying to make us hate her, and I still can't tell why. I think it's because she is afraid she will have to leave... I still havn't told her that their is no way I'm letting them take her while in here. If I have to I'll take her into the shadow world until after they have come to get her... or turn her into a vampire.

The other day I had a chance to talk to Angel, and I almost let something important slip. That wouldn't have been good, like everyone else she tells me not to turn myself over to the stalwarts... but I think I may have to. Or at least marry a Stalwart, thats not a very happy idea. I would gladdly, if I wasn't maddly in love with someone else. Dane, these girls are so confusing... I love them anyway. :)

Alright, so anyway... something happened and ruby was suddenly up in the air being held by vines by a judge. I cut her down and sent a spell back at it, after a while it left... but it came back, and ruby beat it. She's amazing.

I talked to Isabelle, it's her birthday today. I hope she has a good birthday, I don't think the others like her very mcuh, Agel has been nice but ruby and kina don't even try to fake niceness sometimes... I guess I can't make them be friends. Although when Angel and Isabelle hugged it was the most touching thing I have seen in a good 40 years.

I wrote afew poems today, one about a load of stuff.... basically to get rid of all this extra emotion, and the other for each of my friends, excluding rachel, finn and the people I havnt gotten to know well enough to write about.





Hidden
I can’t tell them
But that’s all I want
I can’t show them
But it’s all I have to show
I can’t let them see
Because it’s all I know
Something’s should be broken
And others should never die
Something’s last a life time
Other things never leave the sky
Angels sing up high
Glistening in an ever growing light
Ruby’s shine forever
And are as precious as first sight
Those who know the arts
Bring the world a gift
And friends who are lost
End up showing you the way
People pass through your life
And you grow to love them
Just in time to lose them
Like you had lost before…
I can’t tell them
They can never know
Some things are a mystery
Like when a child first sees snow
Others should be shown
And revealed over time
I just wish I knew how to tell them
I just wish I didn’t have to lose them…
So many lies among us friends
People dieing unfair ends
Hearts are broken
Lessons learned
And then it starts again
The world may never stop spinning
But my world is upside-down
And it just keeps on turning
No matter what goes round
Lies and deceit are what I see
And sometimes I just want to die
But somehow I know
That can never be the way
People will always leave me
Despite what they say
And although I ask for trust
I can not give it away…
Loves another matter
And as each day becomes a night
Life gets even harder
Like a candle burnt of light
Why is everything so hard
Why must my friendships leave
Why can’t I tell the world
Why can’t I succeed
Why can’t life be easy
Or at least a bit normal
Why can’t I go crazy…
Deprived of all I love
All I want is to be alone
All I want is to wait
All I want is to lie
In the dark pit I made
Cold alone and sobbing
Feeling icy night
Watching as the blade
Swings down in the night
Sitting hiding in the dark
Pretending it was bliss
But really pain was a substitution
For everything I miss…
And as I take a knive
And run it across my bear flesh
I think about the world
And what I have done wrong
I have lead people into danger
And trapped the souls of man
And I know if I had the chance
I would do it over again
Maybe this is what it means
To be human and to live
Or maybe im just different
Maybe I have to give…
Everything I ever wanted
Everything I ever loved
Maybe being prince
Is a sarcrificial dove
Maybe no one cares
And the lies are all real
Maybe im depressed
Maybe I should steal…
I know I’ve done it before
Ive taken a mans life
And no matter what I hear
Nothing can make that right
So as I sit in the dark
And run knives across my skin
Reflecting on my loved ones
Reflecting on the kin
Thinking or death
Depression and darkness
Thinking of my life
That isn’t there…



Angels are meant to fly
They shouldn’t be bound
By earthly ties
It’s cruel to hurt an angel
Have you ever tried?
Seen the beautiful wings bound
Tightly by her sides…
Her long and flowing features
Seem to glow with light
She truly came from heaven
A wondrous beautiful sight
Amazing beyond measure
To perfect to be human…
You should never hurt an angel
They are amazing and light
And covered up with beauty
Is a strong fight
Angels don’t deserve
To be forced onto this earth
And like all humans
They don’t deserve to be hurt…
Have you ever seen an angel?
One that’s beautiful and true?
One that’s crying out for others?
All because of you?
I have…
I have hurt an angel…
I have made her cry…
And all because of this…
I simply want to die.



Ruby
In my hand is a ruby,
And it sparkles all night long,
Shining light on new idea’s,
Showing me its peaceful song,
Glistening in still water,
Yet as sharp as a knife,
Beautiful yet dangerous,
A truly remarkable sight.
And a girl I know,
Fits that description.
As I hold her in my arms,
Quietly she’s singing,
Of unknown harms.
Her eyes they sparkle,
Like a gleaming gem,
And her face is always set,
As smooth as the waters end.
She’s a light to me,
And helps me through,
Times of trouble.
She deserves to polished,
But I have forgotten how,
There is so much,
She deserves that
I Can’t give her.
Contentedly she lay
In my arms a still night,
Glistening like a gem,
A ruby in the light.



Kina
An artist is someone who shows the worlds truth
A brave soul who can tell it like it is.
Someone who looks deeper then the faces she meets,
Someone who can tell what’s hidden beneath.
An artist is someone who is true to herself,
Someone who’s kind and always willing to help.
Someone who’s smart and brave and true,
Someone who loves to change the worlds blue.
A beckon of hope in a cold darkening night,
A friend to the lonely a graceful sweet sight.
A caring compassionate hand on your shoulder,
A warm glowing light as the night grows colder.
A gentle breeze that tickles your nose,
That warm fuzzy feeling you get in your toes.
An artist shows you everything real,
And helps you to think of the good things, surreal.
An artist can show the world whatever she wishes,
But it takes something more to care.



Jenna
My first friend
That says it all
Someone who cared
Above all.
Someone who knew
Me before I knew myself.
Someone who was
---Always there.
My first friend
That says it all
The first person to care
The first person to share
Everything with.
A beauty beyond imagine.
A heart that was open,
A sweet soul,
Harsh words unspoken.
Lovely and kind
A friend to all
Thanks be to her
The first thing I saw.
Had I never known her
I would never know sight
I would never know friendship
I and then I might…
Have gone back.



Isabelle---
More then meets the eye,
This beautiful princess that hides.
She wants to be what I know she isn’t.
And now that she is learning,
And now that she is seeing,
She is starting to find out,
That there is more then one path to take.
Isabelle---
A girl who is more complicated,
Then she wants people to know.
Hiding behind a mask of lies,
A beautiful sweet girl,
When you open your eyes.
Isabelle---
More then model material,
A girl with wishes and dreams,
An unfair prejudice,
That always seems…
To get in the way.
Isabelle---
A heart never lost,
But put in a closet,
And became covered in frost,
An icy cold breeze,
That makes you chilled to the bone,
But within herself,
She is really alone.
Isabelle---
A closed book that won’t seem to open,
A danger that seems almost unspoken,
A cold winters breeze blowing through a warm room,
An engravement already set on a tomb.
Isabelle---
Here is my wish to you,
Grow up how you want,
Don’t let anyone hold you,
Go after your dreams,
And let yourself free,
The choice is yours,
Trust your destiny.


I will tell you about the forest later.
Good bye.

Nathanial James Dorgotten Half Vampire Prince of the Dorgotten Kingdom